Sadly Yours

Last night, I reached out to X to let him know how I had been feeling. From our conversation, I could tell that he still loves me but is no longer interested in being in a relationship with me. I still can’t comprehend why? Why is this time so different? He’s resolved to not get back together but I’m oblivious to his reason. I want to have a conversation with him about it but I can’t predict the outcome of that conversation. I’ve tried to break up with X in the past but he was adamant every time. Why is this time so different?

I worry that he may never come back to me or worse that he may come back…I don’t know what I’m going to do if he does. I can’t just take him back and act like everything is okay. He’s hurt me so badly and he doesn’t even care to know the weight. Today, I had thoughts wishing he was “gone” but I knew I couldn’t even stomach it if it happened. Sigh.

I’m utterly confused about what I’m suppose to do. Do I fight or do I let go? Why is love such a challenge? I wonder when these tears will stop running… I just can’t take this pain anymore. Why did he leave? Why? How can you love someone this much and still leave? I want to forgive him but it’s not so easy. He hurt me. He hurt me badly and he doesn’t even know how much.

Sadly yours,

L